SKULL
by MiladyApril2002
Summary: Skull was a loud coward, a crybaby, and a civillian but he was also SO MUCH MORE... "-all I want is for you to FUCK OFF and LEAVE ME ALONE, is that- sob, that so much to a-ask for!" Reincarnated!Skull, Depressed!Skull, possibly Suicidal!Skull, Rating may change in the future
1. prologue

_"...I love you..." "Stop! I d-don't want to hear it! Just... stop! I told you! I told you that-" "I love you-" "STOP! I told you to stop! Nothing is going to happen-" "but something already did happen, and I fell in love-" "No-!" SLAP!_

 _"I love you..." she whispered "I know you told me not to, and I feel stupid for feeling this for you when you warned me NOT to but well," she gave a bitter laugh "I can't help it. I already fell in love with you."_ _He turned away from her and looked to the ground, shaking._

 _"I u-understand, if you don't l-like me. H-hate me, even. I can, no, I will respect that. B-but... you just can't be afraid of love." He felt her hands on his back, and feel her shake too. "I k-know you g-got a good r-reason t-to be afraid but..."_ _She faced him, and showed bright and watery cerulean eyes to him that burned bright with resolve, and she yelled "love was never meant to be feared,_ **Skull**

And he woke up to see not the bright and a warm sunny sky, but to a white and cold ceiling. He woke up to hear not the loud and familiar noises, but to a stifling silence. He woke up not to see her by his side, with a smile on her face to greet him a good morning, no...

He woke up alone.

And he _cried_.

——

For all the praises, achievements, power or whatever 'great' shit they spout they have, the other Arcobalenos were a bunch of simple, blinded, and arrogant fools.

He came to them, knowing what they would expect, and knowing they would be disappointed. Because, _who would want some civvie cloud as part of the Seventh Strongest?_ He obviously knew that he would be deemed a useless weakling, and the possibility of being mistreated. But man, he didn't expect back then that they would also demote him as 'lackey'.

(They didn't even consider him an equal, or someone worthy of 'rights'.)

The way he was treated was humiliating, infuriating, outrageous... **_and so fucking hilarious!_**

 _They were making things just sooo easy for him._

Oh, they got some of it right. He was a civilian who never had to deal with the mafia (and he never would, if he was given a chance) and a fucking crybaby, and oh, a fucking coward as well, but he also _was so much more._ He wasn't simple as he made himself look. And yeah, he had dark secrets that he kept.

 _And no, he had no intention sharing it to anyone, and much less, to them._

He knew the very basic nature of humanity, they were all so **fucking** **_curious_**. You don't tell a kid to _stop_ being curious, to _stop_ snooping around, that there is _nothing_ to see. You are just basically giving them more reasons to dig you out! No, the right way to stop people being curious and so nosy is _to stop giving them reasons to be one._

Studying the others for a little bit when he met, was just enough time to gather info to fool them. They had expectations, and if let down, they would treat you the 'baby' or AKA, the useless and unwanted Lackey of the group. And although your pride would be really bruised, you can say being the Lackey is fine if you see the advantages (if, uh, you can stand being treated as a punching bag and some maid). They wouldn't be too involve and concern themselves over his business. They could careless about him.

 _And the last thing he wants is to be cared by them, and to care for them too._

So if he acted a little more cowardly, a bit more of a crybaby, a lot more weak, more foolish, like an ignorant idiot, and the fact that they were all fooled, well,

 _It wasn't really his fault they were idiots, and he just had to take advantage of it, right?_

They should be proud of him! Skull was being a manipulative, sneaky, little _shit._ And yeah, he felt a bit bad for screwing with them but, well, he's gotta do what needs to be do. He needs this, and he needs them to go away which he knew they would not do if he had asked. Besides, they never seemed guilty, so why should _he_ feel guilty? Skull was just so fucking tired of all this shit that was his life, and _all he ever wanted was-!_

"...tsk!"

He was just _so_ tired, and he had seen a lot of this kind of scenarios from his long, long, long life. He had been in this situation before, and it all ended the _same_ way. He was determined to not fall for the same trick again. To get hurt again. It was worthless getting close to someone who you would lose in the next life, that's like asking to stab yourself, and he _wasn't_ a masochist, _thank you very much._

Besides, _he_ _already had this fucking reincarnating problem to deal with and **now he had to deal with this new life with these stupid flames who wouldn't stop regenerating him back to health and then-!**_

Inhale.

(How funny that his flames was symbolised and characterized after the clouds, always drifting and free, was the very thing chaining him to this miserable life.)

Exhale.

Repeat the process and calm down.

(He had been suffering for who-knows-how-long. He could wait patiently, just for a bit, if it meant f r e e d o m)

The curse was now broken, and I just have to wait a little more time until Yuni can let us go (because god forbid if a Lackey said he had something important to do, and he hadn't been beaten to pulp for his insolence, and be charged by spilling all his secrets.) and then he can _finally_ start find ways to finally rest.

Because while he was Skull de Mort, the man who is hated by Death, he was also someone **who fucking had enough of all this torture!**

( _Because_ Living _was torturous_ )

 _Skull wanted to sleep._

 **Permanently**.

 ** _And he wouldn't stop to find a way until he would cease to exist in this plane._**


	2. Broken Mirror and Voices

- _train was packed, and very crowded. He was surrounded by numerous blurred faced people, and they were squeezing the air out of his lungs. **He couldn't breathe-!** Warm hands grabbed his, and gently guided him to the corner of the train, and gaved him space to breathe by trapping him in his arms. He sighed in relief, calming down and no longer feeling as if he was drowning._

 _"...thank you-"_

 _"It's not a problem,_ **Skull** _, you looked like you needed help. And I helped."_

 _He frowned at the man and looked down "you..." his hands clenched at his sides "...you can't always help me... there will be times when-" he felt a warm kiss on his forehead and he looked up to see his eyes, so kind and gentle as ever, and he didn't know why **but he was tearing up** "it's my nature to help people,_Skull, _especially the people I love."_

 _He leaned to the other's chest and buried his face to the crook of his neck, sobbing. **Why on earth was he crying?!**_ H _e felt the other's hand on his back, rubbing circles for comfort._

 _"As long as you have me,_ **Skull,** _I will always be there for you." Another sweet and chaste kiss was placed on her forehead "so... wake-"_

"-UP!" A loud yell came from Colonello, jolting him awake "WAKE!" _bang_! "UP,!" _bang_! "USELESS LACKEY!"

"I'm up! I'm up!" He yelled, pulling the covers off him and scrambling to try and cover himself in case the blonde arcobleno would break in his room - _sanctuary_ \- and yelled "I'm up, Colonello! So don't break my door please!" He shrieked, and god damned it if he was shrieking like a girl because he will _NOT_ let any of them in his room!

While pulling his pants up, he tripped over his own feet and feel down to the floor. _Thud!_ "I'm fine!" He winced, and struggled to pick himself up.

"DON'T FORGET THE DISHES, KORA!" he blinked "wha-?" _Bang! Bang!_ He winced "OR ELSE!" and listened quietly as he heard the other's footsteps away from his room, sighing in relief as it disappeared.

"Boy, am I sure glad that Verde had fortified our rooms." He said out loud.

After the curse was broken by Tsunayoshi-kun, Yuni the precious and his-not-sky had all requested them to live in a nice, big, and ' _cozy_ ' house for all of them, and had made sure that their bonds would settle down and that they would be safe because while they would have random growth spurts until their reach the age they were cursed, because this would be the time when they would be at their most vulnerable. Years of getting used to an toddler's body would result some sort of lose of balance.

... _then again,_ Skull mused, _it might be Yuni's excuse to ensure they all would bond to her since only he, as usual, was only having problems._ Skull stood up, _dusting himself off and sighing a sweet and kind girl she might be, she was still..._ Luce's _grandaughter, the very sky who had knowingly sentenced them to this fate. The sky who sentenced him **to**_ this miserable fate-! With clenched fists, he whirled around and punched the first thing he saw;

His mirror.

The sound of his mirror shattering filled the silence in his room. His knuckle was bleeding, bruised with pieces of glass painfully sticking in his skin. His blood fell to the floor.

" _Shit._ " Shit indeed, because now he has to take a long shower, because god knows that Reborn was like a _freaking_ hell hound, and he knows the smell of blood and gunpowder _very intimately_. And he does not want to have any of them poking his wounds, or start asking questions. _Fuck,_ he hates it when he gets like this. So emotional, so out of control, so... _vulnerable._

He face palmed himself with his free, uninjured hand "now how am I going to wash the dishes with a hand like this-" _Why was his face wet?_ He looked the broken and shattered mirror. There were still pieces to still be able to use it, and he saw his broken reflection.

His unmasked, free of make-up, and naked face. Purple eyes were puffy red, with stained cheeks, and a haggard look in his face especially with the dark eyebags underneath his eyes.

He looked like **S H I T**

He reached out to touch his tear-stained cheek _"dammit..."_ he murmured "...I was crying in my sleep... **_again_**..."

He sighs, I keep sighing these days. I need to stop. _I sigh like some Mum with seven kids or whatever._ And glanced at Oodako's aquarium. Oodako was peering at him from his tank, concerned. He gave the flame octopus a smile to ease his worries for him.

"I'm fine, Oodako." He says "I'm fine."

 _Its interesting,_ a voice from his head whispered as he walked in his bathroom _how you keep saying that just to convince **yourself**._

He tries to ignore it, and instead washes his wounded hand and picks the glass stuck on his skin carefully with his tongs _(he has first aid kit, and knows more than the basic first aid. It was one of the lessons he had mastered from his long life...)_ and focuses.

 _Aren't you tired of **acting?**_

Skull refrains himself from answering back, but both knew his answer very well.

 ** _Aren't you tired of Living?_**

He flinched, and accidentally bumped his wounded hand on the faucet, and hisses in pain. The pain was a sting, and he suffered worse than this, but his chest hurted and his eyes looked tired.

He didn't answer, and the voice went quiet.

 _but they both knew the answer._

 _they both clearly knew,_

 ** _that Skull had E N O U G H_**


	3. Wounded Hand and Red Running Water

He didn't bother disinfecting his wounded hand nor did he even bothered to bandaged it. It was useless. His flames ability was to _propagate_. It was to _increase_ and _replicate_. Reborn and the others might say he was a failure of a Cloud _(No sky. No Cloud Instincts. No Territory. No ability to use your own cloud flames. What kind of a Cloud are you? **A failure?** **but aren't you already one? So what are you?!** )_ the reason why he was unable to use his flames externally was because the damn things are working nonstop internally. Whenever he would find himself thinking, he would then remember all the horrors that was his life, and he would remember the very reason why he hated, and why he would never forgive his flames.

 _It was bad enough he would die and live again, keeping **UNWANTED** memories to torment them. Now, he didn't even have the choice to end this miserable life to be done with it, and move on!_

So no, he didn't dress his wound or even applied disinfectants. It was _useless_ , and a complete waste of time and resources. The others _(namely Colonello and Reborn...)_ are not even patient in the first place, and even if he liked to fool them around with the silly idiotic mask he wore, and would endure a lot of things just to keep it, did not mean he enjoyed any of it.

 _No_ , he did _not_ enjoy being _insulted, degraded,_ and be _kicked around by them_. And no, he was NOT a masochist, _thank you very much._

So after washing his hand, he wore his tight _(tacky, loud, annoying, eye and so-not-his-taste)_ full body leather suit, shoved his hands in his tight leather black gloves, regardless of the injuries of his right hand, and didn't even flinch when he felt a flare of pain. Instead, he put on his heavy and distasteful makeup, and wore many of the irritating piercings _(he didn't like any of them. He didn't like any jewelry. He felt wearing one was being branded. Especially with the piercings, they were the WORST. But Sacrifices were needed... even if it was your pride and dignity...)_ and went outside of his room, not even cleaning the broken mirror mess, and went straight to the kitchen.

"A-are you kidding me?!" His mask was on, but he didn't fake any of the reaction he made when he saw the state of the kitchen.

 _It was a mess._

 _It was **not** his mess._

He closed his eyes, inhaled and clenched both his hands. _Not_ , he exhaled and relaxed his hands, and let the pain in his other hand soothe and calm him. _Worth. It._

 ** _Patience..._**

He started to clean the kirchen, and washed the dishes. Silently. His hand hurts, _good_ , he thought. _Distract me,_ he clenched his wounded hand and let the tight glove get wet in the water, and let the dishwashing soap seep into his wounds. _Don't make me lose._ He washed the dishes, cleaned the counter, arranged the plates and glasses, and then started on the floor, wall and even ceiling.

 _Keep me in control._

He heard the others come back, laughing and talking. In one glance from the door, he could see all of them crowding in one couch, watching some movie he did not know _but it looked interesting..._ They were smiling, laughing, and having fun-

 ** _without him._**

A long time ago, when he was young and with no restraint, he would have screamed and cried and then asked **why?** \- but that did not matter. He knew better now. And he knew Why. He did not matter. He was replaceable, he was not valuable, and he would _never_ be a part of this group that were family. That had bonded with each other with that terrible curse. From the times they need each other, and helped one another. They were binded and served under the same sky.

 _And he was not part of any of it._

Oh sure, they taught him. They protected him when he got in trouble. Oh, they saved his ass when he needed it. They did their jobs as good elements. But even with the _fragile_ and _thin_ bonds he had with them, _it was still not enough._ It was not enough for them to see him valuable, to see him someone important, someone precious, someone who was **theirs**. They couldn't, because unknown to them, he would not let them.

 ** _He wouldn't get close and hurt himself, again. He had enough of being a fuckin' masochist._**

And soon, they became neglectful, and some, abusive. And he endured, because that was his payment.

And pride was something he could lose, after all, what was the value of pride to someone who was so broken after losing everything.

 _And the process always repeating?_

 _Holy shit,_ it was a question how he still had his sanity. Someone in his position would have lost his sense a long time ago...

 _But then again, purposely humiliating yourself and setting yourself up for a miserable life just to make sure you feel nothing from everyone around you is pretty messed up._

Skull just shook his head and let a moment of his mask drop.

"Fuck, how longer do I have to put up with this?" He murmured lowly, his wounded gloved hand was basking under the running wwater and the water was getting stained red. His wounds were bleeding. He clicked his tongue.

 _Fucking random growth spurts and after effects of the curse is affecting my flames._

As he was preoccupied with his thoughts, something he avoided doing outside of his room, Skull had never noticed how a figure leaned by the door frame, sharp coal black eyes staring at his hands by the running water.


End file.
